Dumb Guy With Dumb Phone

Okay, I'm just a dumb guy with a dumb phone. It's an open face, lightweight piece that fits nicely into my vest pocket and vibrates straight to my luddite heart when some robot-caller tries to sell me some bullshit I have no need for. Usually her name is Rachel. But I'm onto her, so I just click her off as soon as I hear her svelte entreaty to ante up. So yes, I've been carrying this dumb-phone inferiority complex around for years now, but at least I'm onto Rachel and her entourage of robot-call con artists.

But recently I noticed that maybe these 'smart' phones aren't so smart as we think they are. A few weeks ago my girlfriend was cajoled into buying a fancy smart phone. Between the clicks and beeps that have been going on as she negotiates its operations, I managed to actually talk to her about some of its features. One thing she told me stood out: She has to charge the thing every day! Though she is not a heavy user, these 'smart' phones take almost 3 times the charging power as an ol' fashioned dumb phone, such as the one I proudly own.

Now I'm sure there are all kinds of efficiencies and power saving software built into these devices, but it seems to me that plugging that thing in every night (as opposed to every 3 nights) is going to sap a hell of a lot more power from the grid. Of course, I'm just a dumb guy with a dumb phone, but my guess is that the carbon footprint of these toys is way higher...meaning... that's right: more coal, and associated fossil fuels spewing their particulate matter and related crap into the already compromised atmosphere.

But hey, I'm just speculating here. I'm sure there is a technological rationalization for this purported violation of our ecology that I, and most smart-phone users wouldn't even understand. At least, I won't get it. After all, I'm just a dumb guy with a dumb phone!.

~Marc Twang


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